Jonathan Begley

July 2, 2010

JUST LIVE

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonathanbegley @ 7:20 pm

Life will surely pass in the blink of an eye, if I let it.  So much has happened over the last few months.  So many experiences, so much life.  I can honestly say that fifty years from now I will look back on these days filled with joy and happiness.  I am sure that I will look back with my fair share of regret as well. 

My son Benjamin is now almost three months old.  It is understandable that I find myself exhausted these days.  Not that I am the one staying up long hours every night, but having a child that needs you is an incredible adjustment.  Not only him, but my wife needs more of me as well.  I have found myself dreaming of time to myself.  No work, no baby, no to-do list.  But what have I done with the time that I do get…I watch TV.  That I will surely regret.  TV has far too big of a role in my life, and it needs to stop.  I refuse to watch my life pass by, one sitcom after another.  I refuse to “experience” life through others.  No longer can the World Series or the Superbowl be the most exciting time of the year. 

What really makes me come alive?  What kind of a father do I want Ben to grow up with?  What have I allowed myself to become? 

What am I going to do about it? 

Life is made of choices.  I pride myself on the fact that I have made more good than bad.  However, I find myself living for tomorrow.  Or worse, existing in this life, wondering “what could have been.”  How many days go by where I  fail to acknowledge the wonderful life I do have?  I find myself constantly wanting more.  More money.  More time.  More adventure.  More praise.  More freedom.  More sex.  More knowledge.  More wisdom.  More respect.  MORE.  MORE.  MORE.

But even I don’t want it handed to me.  I need to work.  I need to sweat.  I need to be challenged and to know what I am made of.  Most of all, I need to know what I have, who I am, what I stand for, and what I will fight for.

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