Jonathan Begley

July 5, 2010

THE PROUD RECIPIENT OF A KIDNEY STONE

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonathanbegley @ 4:04 pm

Without a doubt the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. 

5:30 a.m. and I am laying in bed trying to decide if I should go for a run.  Of course I should go for a run, it’s 5:30, I’m awake, and it’s a beautiful day.  My head is saying get up, but something is keeping me from sliding from the  bed to put my shoes on.  I feel a little funny, maybe I need to take a crap.  5:40 a.m. and I stumble to the bathroom thinking that forcing one out will make everything better.  I will still have plenty of time to get a quick run in before I need to get ready for work.  5:45 a.m. and that crap made my stomach feel worse.  It actually feels like someone kicked me in the groin.  I will just lay back down in bed and let the pain in my stomach subside.  5:55 a.m. and I find myself on my hands and knees beside my bed.  The baby is crying and my wife stares at me with a tilted head, like a puppy who doesn’t understand. 

6:10 a.m. and I am in the passenger seat of my wife’s car, racing down suburban roads.  The pain has increased steadily and now feels like someone has driven a nail straight through my right testicle and into my lower abdomen.  Not the left side, just the right, and for some reason it brings me some comfort to kick my left leg back and forth against the dashboard while I try to breath.  My wife is driving, somewhat slow due to the fact that we have a two month old child in the back.  “Could I be passing a stone?” I ask.  She shruggs, with a bit of panic on her face.  “Maybe my appendix has burst?” I suggest.  More panic.  Then I start to panic, still kicking the left leg, but now mixing it in with doubling over to have my head between my knees.  Now add a bit of nausea.  And a little more nausea.  It’s damn hot in this car and I need to roll down the window.  “Run this light please!” I grunt as I hold my head to the cool breeze coming in the window.  Vomit.  More vomit.  It’s a good thing I rolled that windown down.  One more time…and there go my glasses.  Some construction guys on the side of the road, just arriving for a day of work, look at me in bewilderment.  I almost feel bad that one of them will have to pick up my vomit covered glasses.

6:20 a.m. we arrive at the Emergency Room.  Only one other person is waiting to be seen.  Surely I will leap ahead of her as it is obvious to all staff behind the counter that I am definitely in a lot of pain.  I tell them “my pain is 10 out of 10” just to be sure they understand, and I know they will ask anyways.  The woman behind the desk continues to shuffle papers my way, so I add “and I am vomiting”, thinking that this will surely get their attention.  She jots some things down on the margins of the paper, asks me to fill out a form with my name, address, and phone number. ” Unbelievable” I think.  Then my wife comes in the door with my son.  Surely she will get the point across.  I can’t stand up anymore so I drop to one knee.  “What are we waiting for?” I ask loudly.  “The nurse…they know you’re hear”  they respond.  The nurse finally calls me back.  Younger guy who doesn’t look to concerned about time.  The truth is that I couldn’t have found a quicker ER, but then I had a nail in my testicle and nothing could be fast enough.  The nurse asks me to get on the scale.  I step on while saying “5’8″ and 140 pounds.  Pain is 10 out of 10” thinking this will speed things along.  It doesn’t.  He tries to get my blood pressure, but it’s not registering.  I double over again, still kicking my left leg.  I wonder if my leg has been kicking this way the entire time.

The doctor fianlly sees me about 6:45.  He asks me about the pain.  “It looks as if you’re the proud recipient of a kidney stone” he says.  I could care less what it is at this point.  All I manage to say is “it’s fucking huge” as I gasp for air.  I want drugs but my wife seems to be concerned that I am “pushing” for drugs.  Hell yes, I am pushing for drugs.  They tell me I will be “seeing blue sky and roses” in a matter of seconds.  “I’ll be the judge of that” I think to myself. 

I never did see blue sky or roses.  What I did see, the next day while I am straining my urine back at home, was a tiny, jagged, black “stone” fall into the strainer.  It was almost humiliating how small this peace of hell really was.  That will be my secret.

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